Schools Need To Make It Easier For Parents

A little information, pre-planning, and consideration go a long way

My son started grade one this year.

As with any child about to embark on a new school year, he was a mix of excitement and nerves.

Although in his case, it was a higher mixture of unease than excitement.

Unease, due in part to his anxious nature, but more to the lack of information he knew about his new school year.

Questions he had, that we as parents couldn’t answer because the school hadn’t told us.

Simple questions.

Like where will I meet my teacher on the first day? Or is my teacher a man or a woman?

Questions that for an adult may not seem important, but for a six-year-old — especially one who suffers from anxiety — are paramount.

Bare minimum information for the new school year

The Friday before his first week of school, at around 3pm, we received the email that the teacher assignments were ready to be viewed.

My son was excited.

He had been asking anxiously about who his teacher was all week. More insistently as each hour passed on the Friday.

Finally I could tell him.

I open up the email, log onto our parent portal and see a name. First initial, last name.

“Who is my teacher?” My son asks.

I tell him.

“Is it a man or a woman?”

I can’t tell him. I have no idea. There is no Mr., Ms., or Mrs. given. I look on the school website to see if I can get him any more information. His teacher isn’t listed.

“Am I in a grade one class? Or a grade one/two split?”

Again I have no idea. Nothing is listed.

“Where do we meet?”

“Will my teacher meet me?”

“Are you able to walk me to the door?”

“Will I be in the big yard? Will I be with all the big kids or will the grade one’s have their own area?”

I couldn’t answer any of these questions. I could give him my best guesses and reassure his anxieties to the best of my ability, but I couldn’t give him any concrete answers.

By the time we found out this was all the information we were getting, the school was closed for the long weekend. I had no way to find out anything more.

The entire weekend, in between the fun we were having, my son peppered me with questions.

“What if I get lost?”

“What if we have to be with the big kids and they are mean to me?”

And then, understandably, after a weekend of worry and unease, “Mommy I am scared for tomorrow. I don’t want to go.”

On the first day, he held onto my hand as tightly as he could. He didn’t want to leave my side.

He was hardly the only one. More than half of the children were attached to their parents at the hip. They were clearly scared, nervous, unsure.

What five and six-year-olds wouldn’t be?

As it turned out, when he came home from school he was happy and relieved. He had asked his teacher all of his questions and he was now calm. His anxiety was abated and he was just left with excitement.

If only we had the answers to his questions on Friday. Perhaps he wouldn’t have been so worried all weekend.

A little more information, literally a few sentences, could have made all the difference for him.

And looking at the unease on his classmates’ faces, probably for them too.

Staggered starts no one knew about

As is common with parents of young children, during the first week of back to school, we all chat, share pictures, and commiserate.

In one of these chats, my friend described how stressful the last week had been for her. Her daughter was just starting junior kindergarten this year and she had expected for her daughter to start on the Tuesday after the long weekend.

That is when we started every single year when we were kids. That is when all grades — except junior kindergarten — start.

As a result, months ago she had sent in the termination request to end her daughter’s daycare on the Friday before.

She then found out, five days before the supposed first day, that her daughter was in fact not starting junior kindergarten on the Tuesday. She was starting it four days later on the Friday.

Something that my friend didn’t know, something she never thought to ask because she never expected it to happen, was that junior kindergarten classes have a staggered start.

What that means is that five to seven children start on the Tuesday, the next group, start on the Wednesday, and so on. It is to give the children a better introduction to school and give the teachers a chance to know them more individually.

The idea is great.

The execution sucks.

So now my friend had four days to scramble to find care for her daughter. Both her and her husband work full time. They weren’t able to take a week off with such short notice.

The grandparents were also busy. The school had no care available.

Luckily she was able to extend her daughter’s daycare those extra four days.

For an added fee.

Luckily she had this option. Luckily she could afford this option.

Many parents wouldn’t be able to.

If she had known about this staggered start months previously, all of this could have been avoided.

If it was there in the document each parent has to fill out to register their child for school.

If it was discussed when she attended the “what to expect for your child’s first day of school” class her child’s school had hosted in the spring.

Waitlists for aftercare that never end

The school day runs from around 8:30 am to 3pm. Most parent’s jobs are 9am to 5pm.

It’s not rocket science to see that this doesn’t line up.

Naturally then, many parents need before and/or after school care for their children. But waitlists to get into such care are atrocious.

A fellow mother told me that she had been on the waitlist for after care at her daughter’s school since December — almost 10 months. When the first day of school rolled around, she still didn’t have a spot.

Her plight is sadly incredibly common.

A survey conducted by Statistics Canada, found that as of 2022, 78% of child care centers in Canada had an active wait list.

That is a lot of parents left in the dark about how they can arrange care for their children.

As for my friend, she was forced to sign her daughter up for Tae Kwon Do.

Every single day after school for the entire year.

With care not available at her school, it was the only thing she could find that would come to the school and pick up her daughter.

I can’t even fathom the cost of this.

How many thousands of dollars is she going to spend just to have care for her daughter?

Concerts, awards, teacher-parent nights you find out about the same week

Throughout the year, there are a number of concerts, award ceremonies, and meet-the-teacher events.

All of them happen during the school day and all of them are told to parents a few days before.

Personally, I am lucky and have a very flexible work situation. When my son was in junior kindergarten and I found out about his 1pm Thursday Christmas concert on the Monday before, I was able to take time off.

Most parents are not that lucky.

At the last award ceremony we attended, which was held at 11:30 am on a Tuesday, the principal even addressed it.

“Thank you to all the parents that could make it, and for all the children whose parents couldn’t make it, I’m sure they would have if they could. We didn’t give them much notice.”

So then do something about it?

It is easy to see the children whose parents aren’t able to make it. They are sadder than the rest. They aren’t excited when they look out into the crowd.

If concerts and awards ceremonies were set at the beginning of the year, would more parents have been able to make arrangements?

I’m willing to bet at least some of them would have.

At least a few less kids would have to face disappointment.

I have a lot of respect for teachers and my son has had a great experience so far at school.

I acknowledge they have a lot to deal with, teaching and disciplining 25+ children of all different backgrounds all day every day.

By in large, they are doing the best they can and they have a strong desire to see the children in their class succeed.

I am grateful to my son’s teachers for the job that they do.

But giving a bit more notice, planning further ahead, or simply understanding how much parents have to bend over backwards to be there for their children would go a long way.